While my writing has been paused for much of the summer, my evolution hasn’t. Several significant events are impacting the way I view the world, my experience of it, and thoughts about how I want to move in the world.
Some of the meaningful events have included: the public reading of my eco-erotica, massive amounts of touch at the contact improv jam, my parents’ move to Portland, the EcoSex Convergence, a new friendship with a witchy woman, the World Naked Bike Ride, an ongoing conversation with incredible thinkers and writers around the world about dancing with mountains and the eros of entanglement, deep and transformative friendships, the readings and rituals on an online class called “Influence,” and solo time in the woods.
In the last few weeks, I’ve been enjoying the way that my “Influence” class talks about magic. Magic is the universal truth of the inter-being of all things, the life force energy that connects us all, the “soul of the world.” Practicing magic is healing the disconnect in ourselves, where we believe we are separate and disconnected from each other and the world, using meditation, ritual, and casting of “spells” (intentions + incense!). The ultimate goal of this magical practice is to have an awake and undivided heart and to choose to stand for the enlightenment of all.
I took some time last week to spend 24 hours alone out in the woods. As a way to support my practice of this type of magic, I performed a beautiful ritual calling in the seasons, the directions, the feminine cycles, and the goddesses. I set my intention to live with an awake and undivided heart, and to do so using my words, my dance, and my sexuality.
During my solo in the woods, the earth reminded me of just how interconnected I am with her. My overnight accommodation for my solo time, was a hammock strung between two trees by the river. As I lay swinging several feet above the ground, I realized that I had picked a tree that was leaning at a steep angle, directly over my body. I had a panic attack about falling and dying or severely injuring myself. It felt like a test to give my life and well-being over to the earth — to trees and soil that were preserving my very existence as I now know it. Breathing through the panic and finding my way to sleep felt like a rite of passage.
While my “Influence” class talks more about enlightenment and interconnection, a new friendship this summer is helping me get in touch with my dark witchy-side: the part of me that wants to cackle and say “fuck you!”, to be irrational and crazy, to not give a damn about what anyone thinks. To drop the red cape and dance naked in the fountain. I’d love to say that the cape is off and I’m buck naked and wet, but today it feels more like I’m sitting on the side of the fountain with only my bare legs exposed, still believing I am hidden behind and safe in my having-it-all-together-ness. But I can feel my nerve growing in strength and I’m excited to let this part of me come out and play more…
Mmmmm. It feels good to be writing again!